NiiSan
by Kyokotou
Summary: Every girl Naruto Uzumaki has ever dated has been stolen away by his older brother. Desperate to beat his brother at his own game, Naruto's friends decide the only thing he can do is date his bestfriend/rival. Who just happens to be male. AU
1. Chapter 1

An idea I've had for a while now, but I more or less changed practically the entire plot while I was writing it. Hope you enjoy.

Warning: Mild language, yaoi, scenes of a sexual nature

Disclaimer: I don not own Naruto nor any of its characters

Rating: **M**

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"Hey, Naruto!" Brilliant blue eyes half hidden by a messy head of blonde spikes searched through the crowd of students gathered in the courtyard in front of Kohona High, quickly leaving the grounds or lingering a moment longer in wait of friends or rides, for the oen that had called his name.

"Naruto," A femine voice called again. Turning to his right, the blonde noticed the unmistakable pink hair of his friend rushing towards him through the crowd.

"Sakura-chan, Hinata-chan," Naruto grinned at the shy dark haired and pale-eyed girl hiding slightly behind the pinkette, recieving a blush and a jerky nod in return. Turning his attention back to the girl in front, a wide grin spilt his face in two, "What's up?"

Still searching the crowd for the rest of their friends, or at least one in particular, Sakura replied absently, "Hinata, Ino, Kiba, and I are going to the mall, wanna come?" The pinkette glanced back at the blonde, trying to guess the answer from his expression.

"Nah," The blonde answered as he started walking away, waving a hand around in dismissal, "I'm gonna hang out with Tenten in a bit," Noticing the slight glint in Sakura's eyes, Naruto added before she could say anything, "There's Teme over there, why don't you ask him?"

Sakura was gone in a cloud of dust in the direction Naruto had indicated before she could make her cynical comment, dragging the raven haired girl behind her.

"Poor Hinata-chan," Naruto chuckled, with a tinge of guilt, as he left the school yard, quickly heading home to get ready.

Naruto was sure Sakura had been about to make a comment about his newest girlfriend, and how long it would take until she _met _his brother. The bonde was more or less certain that his friends had started a betting pool on the subject.

'_Bastards._' The blonde thought grudgingly, hating to admit even to himself it was only a matter of time until Tenten also fell victum to his Nii-san.

Naruto had gone out on a few dates with Tenten already, though they weren't officially going out. It was the first time they were going to be at his house for an extended period of time, due to Tenten's insistence and Naruto's reluctance to explain why he didn't want her over at his house.

The blonde teen was more than slightly nervous, but quickly reminded himself his brother wouldn't be home until later that night.

"It's Tuesday," The blonde muttered out loud to himself, doubling checking his watch to be sure, "Nii-san won't be home until after ten. Plenty of time."

Grinning in relief, the blonde walked quickly through the streets of Kohona, trying to ignore the paranoid coiling in his stomach that usually indicated he couldn't be more wrong if he tried.

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"I'm home," Called the blonde haired teen cheerfully into the seemingly empty house, sliding off his shoes as he set his backpack beside the exit, ready to be grabbed on his way out in the morning. Unfinished homework included.

Heading into the kitchen, the fair haired teen unzipped his favourite orange and black sweater, fanning the exposed ebony skin on his face and neck with his hand. It was too close to summer to be wearing a sweater, but his friends had kindly asked him to stop wearing orange in such a vast quantity.

Well, it was more of a demand, really. His friends had stormed into his house claiming he needed an 'intervention'. Something about being obsessed and an unhealthy amount of orange, followed by a "We love you, Naruto, this is for your own good and all those not colour blind," and the long, torturous burning of all his orange articles of clothing except the sweater he had been wearing at the time, that he refused to let them burn without him still in it.

Naruto pouted at the memory, grumbling about his 'sadistic bastard friends' as he grabbed a pot from the cupboard, filling it with water as he set the stove to it's highest setting.

Strangely enough, ever since that incident, that Naruto always referred to as 'No Orange Friday' usually followed by a heart wrenching sob, he had been asked out on more dates than he could count with both hands. There would most likely have been more, too, but after a while the blonde was able to catch the glint in a person's eye when they were about to ask him out, and he would run away or push the teme at them.

Naruto snickered slightly as he remembered the last time someone had approached him. Right when they were about to open their mouth, Naruto had shoulder checked Sasuke Uchiha, his long term rival/best friend into the upper classman, claiming he forgot a book in the library. Glancing over his shoulder, he remembered the bastard strangling the older boy. 'Served him right.

Yes, that was right. Naruto Uzumaki was approached time after time by _men. _Not **wo**men, _**men**__._ And Naruto blamed his orange burning friends.

Naruto was tall with nicely tanned skin, sun kissed hair, and arguable (only if you're Ino and have a superiority complex larger than a Super MalMart) the most brilliant blue eyes in Kohona. He was good at sports, had just above average grades, and was used to girls asking him out and flirting with him.

Unfortunately, without his baggy orange wardrobes, he was also lithe with wiry muscles, and slightly, though not excessively, feminely curved. And now he was used to boys joking (hopefully) with him about his figure and teasing pinches every once and a while.

He cursed his friends to the bowels of a very _orange _hell.

Setting the pot of water on the stove to boil, the blonde raided the pantry for a packet of instant ramen, frowning when he emerged empty handed.

The paranoid coiled returned as he thought back to when he had been making breakfast, trying to remember if he had seen more than one package at the time.

"Maybe... maybe Nii-san had some for lunch," Naruto murmured, suddenly uncertain. He knew his Nii-san rarely ate his ramen, knowing how much it meant to the blonde and how protective he became of it (Naruto still swears do this day he doesn't _know _how he scarred his Nii-san with a spoon, and his Nii-san refuses to speak of the incident to anyone) and always asked before he did. Naruto shrugged it off. _'I wasn't around, so it would be impossible for him to ask... there's no other possibility.'_

But he could have sworn there had been almost a full box of the packets left.

Glancing round at the clock built in to the stove, he headed towards the stairs. "I only have ten minutes before Tenten gets here, I'll just see if there is any left in my room."

Naruto hummed absently as he jumped up the stairs, trying to ignore the fact that he was talking to himself out loud, a habit of his when he was anxious.

Reaching the top of the flight of stairs, Naruto stopped for a moment, staring at the closed door of his bedroom, the coiling in his stomach tightening painfully.

"Nii-san won't be home until late." Naruto muttered under his breath firmly, forcing his legs to move towards the door. "You're being childish and paranoid, like Teme."

The blonde's lips twitched up at the ends at the comparison, only to drop into a deep frown as he stood in front of his door, the soft moaning coming from inside the room sounding deafening to the blonde as he placed his hand on the door knob, flinching slightly.

_'Maybe it's not Tenten... maybe it's not the same as the other times.' _Naruto remained outside the door for a few more moments, hand clenched around the door knob until his knuckles turned white, his forehead leaning against the door as he tried to calm his turmoil of emotions.

"_Ky, uu,__**biii**__,_" Keened a loud, feminine voice. Wincing at the too high notes, Naruto quicly sudden the door knob, pushing the door open with a wide grin plastered to his face.

"Ne, Nii-san! I'm home!" Naruto remained grinning as he slowly absorbed the scene infront of him, the bitter and familiar feeling of betrayal sending a crack repulsing through his heart.

Lying on top of his orange and black covered bed a lean man with dark red hair was straddling a pale body, legs exposed by the short skirt riding up the woman's thighs, shirt laying forgotten on the floor. The man's hands were running up and down the woman's uncovered sides, the woman's long, pale fingers pulled sharply at the man's long tresses, usually pulled back into a loose ponytail, now disheveled.

At the sound of his voice, the woman gave a loud, suprised squeal, pushing at the man's chest to disconnect his lips from her throat. Pulling the orange comforter up to cover herself, the woman stared at Naruto with a look akin to a deer trapped in headlights.

"Naruto, welcome home." The red haired male grinned at the blonde standing at the door, distangling himself from the other. Standing from the bed, he picked up his discarded shirt from the floor and strode past Naruto, ruffling the blonde hair as he went. "Is that water boiling? Sorry, I must have misplaced your ramen earlier, I'll go get it for you now."

"Nii-san, I thought you had work today." Naruto returned the smile whole heartedly, acting as though he had not just walked in on his brother and his almost-girlfriend screwing around on _his _bed.

Stopping just outside the door, Kyuubi turned back to Naruto with a feral smile and a wink, "I called in sick, I was so excited to meet your new girl friend. You picked another good one, Otouto." With that the red head continued down the hall and down the stairs, effectively out of sight.

"N-Naru... Naruto-Kun," The hesitant voice drew the blonde away from his thoughts and back to the girl still particially naked on his bed.

Naruto couldn't help but chuckle at the look of her. Lipstick smeared across her lips and cheek, trade mark twin buns had all but completely fallen loose, hands still clutching the comforter to her chest trembling slightly as she waited for the blonde boy to explode at her.

"Ah, sorry, Tenten. I didn't greet you properly when I arrived. Sorry, I wasn't expecting you yet." Blonde bangs fell over darkened blue eyes as Naruto started into the room, ignoring the incredulous look at girl gave him as he scooped up her shirt and passed it to her nicely, all the while grinning widely.

"Naruto-Kun," Tenten started again, hesitantly taking the shirt from the blonde, slightly unnerved from his always present grin.

"Don't worry, Tenten," Naruto cut her off, smiling at her kindly, "I'm not angry. If anything, you should be mad I didn't warn you about my brother. He has a habit of getting infatuated with pretty girls." _that I like, _Naruto seethed silently, though his smile never wavered.

Naruto escorted Tenten out of the house politely, opening the door for her and bidding her a cheerful farewell as Kyuubi called from the kitchen, "Hope to see you again, Twotwo!"

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"_Naruto! Don't run on the stairs, you're gonna_--!" A loud shout could be heard from inside the two story house, followed by _thump,_ "_Told you so_," and a pitiful, _"Owwwiiieeee!!_"

Outside of the house two teens waited on the sidewalk, a tanned brown haired boy with red tribal markings tattooed to his face was doubled over with laughter at the unseen scene, the second a boy with pale ivory skin, raven black hair framing his face and that stuck out at the back with matching onyx eyes, had an black elegant eyebrow raised as a smirk twitching at his lips.

The door of the house swung open to reveal a blonde teen rubbing the back of his head gingerly and a tall man with his red hair pulled back into a loose ponytail ending the blonde a backpack, a grin stretching his face as he waved the blonde off.

"That's gonna leave a nasty bump," The red head sniggered, looking up to notice the two boys on the sidewalk, "Oi, Uchiha, Inuzuka, make sure he doesn't wander out in front of traffic or something. I don't think his head can take much more damage."

The blonde pouted as he swung his bag onto his back, stuffing his hands into his jean's pockets. "Har, har," He muttered grumpily, "And whose fault was it I couldn't sleep on my bed last night?"

Kyuubi rolled his eyes as the three started towards the school, one raising an eyebrow higher in quetion at the blonde while the other was still too busy chuckling to listen to the blonde's mumbles. "I'll have it washed by the time you get back from school. Geez, sometimes I wonder if you have mysophobia."

"Dobe?" The Uchiha questioned with disinterest when they had turned off of the blonde's street and the brunettes chuckles had died down.

"Don't call me Dobe, Teme," Naruto retorted half heartedly, hopeful to change the subject before he had to tell his friends that his brother had struck again, and find out who had won the bet.

"C'mon, Naruto," Kiba pressed, elbowing the blonde in a conspiratal fashion, "We all know Kyuubi takes a fancy to your girlfriends, so the sooner you admit it, the sooner I win..." The brunette slowly trailed off as he caught sight of Tenten leaning against the wall ahead of them.

Jutting out his lower lip in a way dangerously close to a pout, Kiba gave a loud, "Awe," crossing his arms and sulking slightly, "I thought Kyuubi woulda.. ya know, by now. Dammit, at this rate, Shino's gonna win the bet."

Reaching over Naruto's head, Sasuke gave the brunette a swift knock across the back of his head as Naruto stomped down on his foot, resulting in a howl and Kiba landing on the ground heavily, glaring up at his friends as they kept walking, looking like a kicked puppy.

The two continued towards Tenten as Kiba struggled to his feet, a colourful string of curses falling after them.

"Naruto-Kun," Tenten pushed away from the wall when she noticed them, biting her lip hesitantly as she refused to meet Naruto's eyes.

Onyx eyes darted between the two, noticing the blonde's too wide smile even for a moron, to how the brunette shifted from foot to foot anxiously, staring at the ground as her mouth opened and closed repeated.

"Nee, really, Tenten, you don't have to apologize!" Onyx eyes narrowed slightly in the girl's direction at the words as she seemed to tense slightly, though the rest of his face remained the same.

"I was," The blonde continued when the girl opened her mouth to speak again, curlean eyes tightening slightly, "expecting too much from you. I'm sorry." The words were gentle, in no way accusing, but brown eyes still began to well as the blonde bowed slightly in apology.

"I'm sorry," The girl choked out finally, wondering if she wouldn't feel so bad if the blonde would just yell at her instead of being so understanding.

Naruto's mask cracked every so slightly at the words, smile faltering slightly, _'If you were sorry,' _he thought bitterly, trying to keep his smile in place, _'You wouldn't have done it in the first place.'_

A loud sigh broke the tense silence between the three teens as the raven haired boy grabbed onto Naruto's elbow, tugging him away from the thick atmosphere. "C'mon, Dobe, we're gonna be late. Inuzuka, get your ass off the ground and hurry up." Sasuke added over his shoulder, not breaking pace.

Naruto threw one last smile at the girl as they walked away, Kiba's cursing becoming louder as he scurried off the ground and ran after them, "Oi, Teme?" Naruto muttered, staring at the hand still attached to his elbow. Waiting for the raven to look at him, he smiled slightly and said, "Thanks," While curlean eyes met onyx.

Sasuke felt his heart skip a beat at the sincere words as he 'hn'ed in reply.

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Eight teenagers stared expectantly at the blonde boy sitting in their midst, head buried in his arms as he worked up the courage to say the words aloud.

Finally, just when the teens were about to either kill the dramatic blonde or continue with their own conversations, Naruto spoke up in a soft, defeated voice, "Nii-san... did it again."

Silence followed the blonde's announcement for approximately three seconds before obnoxious laughter filled the classroom seating the nine teenagers.

Curlean eyes narrowed spitefully at the offending_ friend, _glaring heatedly at the brunette he had been walking with that morning that now was seated across from him, hands clutching his stomach as his tattooed face contorted with mirth.

"I knew it!" He cried happily, ignoring the furious auras coming from some of his friends, wiping the tears from his eyes as he grinned ferally, "I win the bet!"

Two pale hands pushed the laughing boy's head down in one swift move, causing his forehead to bounce off the desk he was seated at, effectively silencing his laughter, only to be replaced by another howl of pain.

"You're so insensitve!" Cried the pinkette, a scowl plastered to both her and the blonde standing on Kiba's other side, both having one hand on the back of the howling boy's head. "This isn't funny anymore! Hell, it never was!"

"Yeah," The blonde girl tossed her bangs out of her face, crossing her arms over her chest as she agreed with her best friend, "You're supposed to be his friend, but you're betting on his misfortune."

The pinkette and blonde sent a glare around to the rest of the boy's in the room, excluding Sasuke and Naruto, to show they knew exactly what was going on and who was doing it.

"I knew it," Naruto grumbled, resting his chin against the palm of his hand and staring out the window of the clasroom, the homemade lunch infront of him completely forgotten, "You guys are so _mean_."

"Troublesome," Sighed a brunette with his hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, from where he had been sleeping with his head in his arms before the outburst. "It's not like we can do anything else," he yawned, stretching and opening one eye lazily, "Naruto himself doesn't want to do anything to Kyuubi, and I can't see Kyuubi stopping anytime soon unless Naruto says or did something."

The group turned back to the blonde with questioning looks, "You never said anything about it? I thought you gave up, not didn't try." A chubby boy with swirls tattooed to his cheeks asked between bites of his lunch.

Shrugging, Naruto looked back at his friends with a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck, "Well, it's not like I could just punch him out or something, he's doing it for me after all. He'd have to be."

At the confused or blank looks he was recieving the blonde laughed nervously and continued rubbing the back of his neck, "He just wants to make sure I don't fall for anyone who would cheat or something. He told me that the first time."

The blonde looked back out the window, no londer wanting to be a part of the conversation. "How can you be sure that's what he's doing, and it's not just an excuse?" Sakura asked as she exchanged a glance with Ino. Not even Naruto was that naive, right?

Naruto refusd to meet the gaze of any of his friends, though he was sure they were all staring at him. "Well, he's sure as hell not doing it for himself. He's gay."

The room fell quiet as they all waited for Naruto to start cracking up or telling them that he was kidding. When he did neither, Ino let out a breath and said to Sakura, "Well, I guess that explains why he's so good at seducing people."

Sakura nodded, the dark glint returning to her eye. "Ne, Ino, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

The platinum blonde girl hesitated for only a moment before a grin broke across her face. "Why, yes, Sakura, I do believe I am."

Kiba, still pouting and rubbing his forehead sourly, looked between the two girls grinning deviously and asked in a suspicious voice, "What the hell are you two going on about?"

Both girls turned eerily towards Naruto, who was eyeing them suspiciously, backing up a bit into the chair. "No," He said in a guarded voice, denying the urge to run, "I don't care what it is. _No_."

The immediate refusal didn't deter either girl in the least as they said to the rest of the group, grins never faltering, "We do believe we should put that theory to the test."

No one spoke, waiting for the girls to explain their plan. After a minute of silence, Hinata gasped loudly, pale eyes staring widely at the two girls as her face began to resemble that of a tomatoe. "Y-y--you wa-want N-N-N-N-N-Naru--"

Impatient with the girl's stuttering, Ino and Sakura shouted together, "Naruto Uzumaki, we're going to find you a boyfriend!"

Silence once again filled the room as everyone slowly obsorbed the news, before,

3...

2...

1...

_**"WHAAAT?!"**_

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I know this is the second story I've started this week, but I wanted to try a verity of genres.

Sorry, it's not beta'd yet so it's probably full of mistakes.

Please review, I really don't know if the plot is interesting or not,

_KyoKotou_


	2. Promise

Warning: Mild language, yaoi

Disclaimer: I don not own Naruto nor any of its characters. I also do not own dictionary dot com, though I am constantly trying to widen my vocabulary while writing.

Rating: **M**

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The classroom fell silent, everyone was staring at the blonde and rosette girls with a mixture of incredulous, humor, and for some, pure unadulturated loathing. When neither broke into uncontrollable laughter and reassured the others it was just a joke, Naruto was the first to react.

"That. Makes absolutely. No _sense_." Wide azure eyes looked like they were drop from the blonde's head at any moment as he carefully chose his words, not wanting to anger two of the prettiest, and most dangerous, girls in Kohona.

Grinning widely, both girls turned to the gaping blonde, a dangerous glint in both green and blue hued eyes, "Now, Naru-chan, don't tell me you're doubting our intellect," The blonde girl smiled a sickly sweet grin, causing a shudder to run down Naruto's spine.

"You know we're _always _right, Na-ru-to. Just trust us, and everything will fall into place." Jade eyes bore into cerulean, daring him to protest. Another shudder ran down the blonde's spine.

"What the hell?" Barked the Inuzaka, annoyed he didn't understand the girls' reasoning. "How the hell is getting Fox Face a boyfriend going to get his brother off his case? Especially if said brother is gay!" Kiba knew Ino was a regular air headed teenage girl, but Sakura was supposed to be smart. It couldn't possibably be because... Kiba paled.

_Are Sakura and Ino yaoi fangirls?_

The shaggy brunette grimaced at the thought. What the hell is wrong with women? Ever since Naruto had started getting proposals from guys, the girls at Kohona High had gone through a turmoil of events.

First, they resented that the blonde was attracting more positive male attention than they were. (The tattooed boy had never seen the blonde as remotely attractive, but than again, he was as straight as they come. No curve. None. He didn't even _bend_. He would snap before he bent... right.) Some had even gone so far as to attack the blonde, but Sakura and Ino had squashed that revolution. They never let a girl within a five meter radius of the blonde, albeit Sakura, Ino, and Hinata. Naruto had taken that hard, irritated that the girls still interested in him were no longer allowed near him, while the boys of Kohona High were having a field day with his backside. Strangely enough, Sasuke had put a stop to that when he had heard.

After the intital denial and anger, the girls of Kohona seemed to try to ignore the blonde. For about a month, Naruto had been shunned by the female populace, again albeit Sakura, Ino, and Hinata. Naruto had also taken that hard, though he tried not to let the others see how much it bothered him. Before Naruto had come to Kohona High, he hadn't had many friends, and he was depressed that he was once again being ignored for something he had no control over. Once after being ignored during a group assignment, Naruto had snapped at Kiba, shouting it was his fault for burning all his orange clothing.

Kiba winced at the thought and once again repressed the _painful _memory. He hadn't been able to sit right for a week after the injuries Naruto had inflicted upon him with a science text book before Shino had gotten the book away from the blonde with the promise of ramen. And then they had left the youngest Inuzaka there for dead. _Bastards._

Finally, after watching how Naruto stuttered and blushed every time a male would ask him out, the girls slowly began to consider the blonde's antics '_cute_'. They started talking to him again, commenting with little malice on how his face put an over ripe tomatoe to shame, and how to easily let someone down, and, if he didn't take no for an answer, a few self defense moves 'that every girl needed to know'.

A while later, rumors where flying around the school that Naruto was gaining his own fan club. None of the rumors were verified, but Kiba could have sworn he once saw an orange new letter in Hinata's locker that headlined, 'Naruto Uke-umaki Weekly'.

Again, two hands forced the shaggy brunette's head into the table, large, sweet smiles never leaving the girls' faces. "It's simple, Dog Breath," Ino said in a cheery voice, ignoring Kiba's indignant spluttering at the familiar nickname.

"Kyuubi-san says that he's seducing Naruto's girlfriends because he's trying to protect Naruto, ne? And he verifies that he's really only concerned about Naruto's well being by saying he's gay." The rosette explained to the rest of the room, still firmly holding the struggling Inuzaka's head to the desk.

"If Kyuu-Kun is really gay, then he should have no problem also seducing Naruto's boyfriend, thus proving he really is only concerned about protecting Naruto's heart. If he isn't, then Kyuu-Kun will have a hard time seducing said boyfriend." Ino elaborated for the still confused looking faces, helping her pink haired friend to restrain the squirming teen.

"So, if Kyuubi-san is truly gay, he will seduce Naruto's boyfriend and we will know if he really is only an over protect older brother. If Kyuubi-san can't seduce Naruto's boyfriend, then it proves that not only is he straight, but he was seducing Naruto's girlfriends for his own means!" Sakura concluded, far too happily for such a situation.

_'They're having fun.' _Naruto realized scornful, hurt and anger building in his chest, _'They consider this some game. A big mystery.'_

Silence, besides the sound of Kiba's spluttering and struggling, met the room once more as the group absorbed the girls' words.

"Not bad," A brunette with his hair pulled back into a tight ponytail commented, head lazily resting on his open palm, "Troublesome, but not bad. It _could_ work." The blonde and rosette beamed at the lazy teen as the others openly gaped at him, stunned that such a genius would agree with the hair-brained sceme. Even Kiba had stopped struggling to listen.

"It _could_ work," Shikamaru continued, pointedly ignoring the death glares he was recieving from two inparticular, turning instead to direct his words at Sakura and Ino, "_If _you find the right guy. If it is someone easily led astray, then it's meaningless. It has to be someone Kyuubi would really have to work for, not someone who could be turned by a superior ass."

"This is my brother your talking about!" Naruto wailed, covering his ears with his palms and dropping his head to the table. "Why are you talking about my brother's ass!"**1** The blonde went unheard as the other's joined in on the _plotting._

"N-N-Neji-san," Hinata muttered first, staring down at her fidgetting hands as she spoke, nominating her long haired, pale eyed cousin. "I believe h-he would be an... an int-interesting c-can-canditate."

Again, silence engulped the room, everyone staring at the dark haired girl. Looking up, pale eyes quickly spotted a horrified looking Naruto staring at her in disbelieve, Sasuke glaring venomous at her, Sakura and Ino looking like christmas had come early this year, while still holding Kiba's head to the desk, and the rest looking at her either blankly or curiously.

Face flsuhed, pale eyes once again watched her own hands fidget rapidly in her lap.

"Gaara." Broke the silence, followed by a loud choking noise, as all heads swerved to look at the boy who had spoken. Dark glasses and a high collared jacket hid the dark haired boy's expression as he repeated himself. "Gaara no Sabaku."

Naruto choked on a gasp, spluttering incoherent profanities at the usually silent boy as he suggested one of the blonde's oldest friends.

"Shino's got a point," Shikamaru mused, staring thoughtfully out the window, "Gaara would be a good choice. He's over protective, too. And I think he's got a thing for Naruto."

Naruto flushed at the comment, slamming his hands down on the desk he was sitting at and jumping to his feet, teeth bared angrily, "What the hell, guys?! I haven't agreed to anything yet! And, dammit, Gaara is just a friend!"

Again, the blonde's outburst was ignored.

"Maybe Lee?" A large boy suggested around bites of his lunch, munching away thoughtfully, "He's weird, but I bet he thinks it's 'unyouthful' to cheat on someone."

The blonde boy fell back into his seat. In a hopeless voice, he asked softly, "I have no choice, do I?"

"Lee's too weird!" Sakura protested, a light blush tinting her cheeks. "Kyuubi-san would never believe Naruto would go out with such a moron!"

Naruto stared with blank eyes out the window, bottom lip trembling slightly. "I don't wanna be gay."

"Gaara's too creepy!" Ino added, shivering slightly at the thought of the boy, "He might try and kill Kyuu-kun if he tried anything! Not to mention what he might do to Naruto."

Still staring out the window, Naruto waved weakly at something only he could see, "Farewell, my Dear, Sweet, innocence."

"Well, I think Neji is too arrogant!" Sakura retorted to Ino, frowning deeply, "He would probably think he could get with both Naruto and Kyuubi-san."

Ino shook her head, frowning thoughtfully, "He's arrogant, yeah, but the way he looks at Naruto during history... you're noticed, too, right, Hinata? I doubt he would try and pull anything." Frowning deeper, she added, "But, he's friends with TenTen, isn't he? He's probably not the best choice."

Cerulean eyes welled with tears, the trembling in the blonde's lower lip increasing in tempo, "What if I have to be _bottom?_"

Sakura and Ino stared thoughtfully at each other for a moment, before twin grins spread simultaneously across their faces. Together, they moved their hands positioned on the main of shaggy hair to the hood of Kiba's faux fur-rimmed sweater, yanking back at the same time.

The chair went flying back, taking Kiba with it. Before the loud mouthed brunette could say anything, Sakura and Ino were standing over him with their arms crossed, shoulder to shoulder, devious grins in place. Gulping, Kiba slowly began to edge back towards the door.

"Congratulations, Dog Breath," Ino said in a sing-song voice, ignoring the petrified expression on the tattooed face.

"You've just been choosen to act as Naruto's boyfriend in plan '06731 - Faux Escort!'" Sakura cheered happily, ignoring the raised eyebrows pointed in her direction.

A sob rocked through the blonde's shoulders, his head dropping into his folded arms. "I don't wanna be an... an uke!"

"Plan '06731 - Faux Escort'?" Ino repeated, frowning at her friend. "I thought we agreed on plan '05753 - Transformation! Moron to uk-'--" The blonde was silenced as the rosette clamped her hands over her friend's mouth, laughing nervously.

"Now, now, Ino-Pig. Remember we talked about this? We're going with plan '06731 - Faux Escort.' Plan '05753' shall be executed at a later date."

Ino nodded vigourously, grinning behind her friend's hands. Oh, yes. She remembered that conversation alright. The rosette released her friend, both girls turned back to the fallen brunette, only to find him gone.

Staring blankly at the spot where Kiba had been only seconds before, the girls didn't notice the classroom door opening until it had slammed shut again.

"He escaped." Ino said faintly, looking from the floor to the door. "That was unexpected."

Naruto lifted his head out of his arms slightly, looking hopeful, "Does this mean we don't have to go through with the plan anymore?"

"Don't worry, Naruto," Sakura reassured, crushing the blonde's fleeting hope, "We'll just find you someone else! Shino?"

The boy in question merely raised a brow over his dark glasses, a definate _no._

"Shika?" Ino and Sakura turned to the boy expectantly.

"Too troublesome," The lazy teen replied, yawning into his hand, "I've already considered six hundred, twenty-eight possible outcomes for this plan, and none of the suceeding ones include myself in the role of 'Faux Escort'."

Frowning deeply, the girls turned to the finally option (in their opinions, anyway) left in the room, only to find an empty potatoe chip bag where Choji had been enjoying his lunch minutes before.

"Is it the instinct of all men to run away?!" Ino cried furiously, balling the empty bag between her hands angrily.

"Running seems like a good idea right about now." Naruto's voice sounded muffled as he spoke into his arms, staring longingly at the door. "Traitors. Just _left _me here. Their death shall not be swift."

Sakura made an angry noise in the back of her throat, but plopped down into Choji's now unoccupied seat, considering it too much trouble to hunt Kiba and Choji down. She'd get them later. "Fine, we'll just have to pick between Gaara and Neji then. Hinata? Your vote."

"N-Neji-san." The shy girl stuttered out, shooting an apologetic look at Naruto, who was too busy staring intently at the door to notice.

Ino nodded, turning to Shikamaru. "Shika? Who do you think will be best."

"Gaara." Shikamaru answered after only a brief hesitation, considering it less troublesome just to answer the woman's question instead of trying to defend Naruto's right. Oh, well. He'd buy the idiot ramen later to make it up to him.

"Shino?" Sakura asked, turning to the partially hidden teen.

"Gaara." The teen stated emotionlessly.

"Right," Ino tallied the votes for either canditate on her hands. Raising two fingers on each hands, she said to her pink haired friend, "I also vote for Neji. That makes it a tie. You wanted Gaara," A shudder ran down the girl's spin as a third finger raised on her left hand, "Right?"

Sakura nodded, turning towards the final teen that had a say in the plan. "Sasuke-kun?" She smiled sweetly, flipping her hair over her shoulder, "Who do you think would be best for Naruto? Gaara no Sabaku or Neji Hyuuga?"

The stoic teen that had been silent for the entire lunch period glared up at the pink and blonde haired girls, causing them to both flinch back in suprise. A smirk formed on Shikamaru;s lips from across the room, but no one seemed to notice.

"Goodbye, my virtue! You shall be missed." Naruto sobbed to no one inparticular, again going unnoticed.

Sasuke didn't know why, but he was extraordinarily livid at the two girls. Find the Dobe a boyfriend? What the hell kind of solution was that. It would never work, especially not with Hyuuga or Gaara. They would both go crawling to Kyuubi. Naruto needed someone like... someone like...

"I'll do it." Sasuke stated emotionlessly, ignoring the horrified expressions slowly eating away at the girls' once happy features. "For the plan to work, you need someone who knows Kyuubi's tricks. I've been around the Dobe's brother enough to know what to expect. If you really want to prove anything, then this is the only way."

The room stared at the Uchiha in shock, even Naruto had come out of his mourning for his sure to be lost virtue to see if Sasuke was kidding.

"Uh, really Teme?" Naruto asked into the stunned silence, resulting in Ino and Sakura frailing their arms around and spluttering incoherently to try and devert the youngest Uchiha's attention.

"Wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it, Dobe." The Uchiha retorted with a smirk, gathering his lunch as he pointed ignored his female classmates, including the Hyuuga who seemed to be having troubles with a nosebleed.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino tried desperately, as Sasuke rose from his seat with his bag in hand. "You... you don't have to! Gaara will be a great boyfriend for Naruto! I'm sure he'll agree."

Sasuke didn't reply as he grabbed the blonde's backpack, earning an indignified squawk and a stumbling Uzumaki rushing after him, as he swung his own over his shoulder, heading towards the door.

"The bell will be ringing soon." Was the Uchiha's finally words as he exited the classroom, feeling the staring of his friends boring into his, and the blonde's at his sides, back.

Before closing the door again, Sasuke could hear Sakura and Ino shouting back and forth,

"This is all _your _fault! If you hadn't insisted on plan '06731-Faux Escort' Sasuke-kun wouldn't have to pertend to be Naruto's boyfriend!"

"Oh, like Naruto would just agree to plan '05753 - Moron to Uke' without a good reason."

Sliding the door closed, said moron fell into step beside him, pouting down at the ground as he muttered sulkily, "I'm not a uke."

Glancing down at his friend at the moment, Sasuke could think of him as nothing else.

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Naruto and Sasuke exited there last class together, splitting up without a word to find their own lockers before meeting up again outside of the school. Silently, they began their long, tense trek home.

Naruto sighed inwardly, afraid to break the tense silence with his breath. Sneaking a peak at the older boy walking slightly ahead of him, he was both thankful and regrettful the Kiba had gone to the library with Hinata and Shino to study.

Though Kiba would have been blunt and awkward about demanding the raven's motives behind volunteering to be the blonde's boyfriend, at least he would have gotten answers.

The blonde fidgeted with the straps of his backpack as he attempted to find a light, humorous way to ask his friend why he had agreed to help. Why was he could never find his voice when he needed it most?

"Sasuke," The blonde finally mumbled, forcing himself to speak. The raven haired teen didn't look back, but from the slight tilt of the head, Naruto knew he had his friend's attention. "Um, why... Why did you agree to be... be my..." The blonde looked to the ground, unable to finish the question.

_'So much for breaking the tension,' _He thought wistfully, afraid to look up. _'I'm acting like a coward. Worse. A _girl. _Why can't I look at him?'_

It was because the blonde was so intrigued with his shoelaces and his lack , that he hadn't noticed that Sasuke had stopped walking and turned to face him until after he had collided with the other teen.

A strong arm found it's way around his waist before he could bounce off his friend and fall to the concrete, the force of the collision forcing the blonde head to fall back.

"Why I agreed to be your boyfriend, Dobe?" Intense onyx eyes locked with wide cerulean ones for a second time that day as the raven spoke softly, shocked by his own actions.

Sasuke had stopped walking because they had been nearing the blonde's street and he didn't want Kyuubi to hear about their plan before it even got started, and he had caught his friend before he could fall to the ground because the blonde was a clumsy idiot, and he didn't want to have to listen to the loud whining for the rest of the walk.

He didn't, however, understand why he had yet to release the blonde, or why he was talking in such a low, husky voice. He sure as _hell _didn't understand why he didn't mind the lack of space between the two of them, or how he could consider the wide blue eyes and lightly part lips captivating.

"I agreed, because you are my friend," A smirk formed on the normally stoic face as the smaller boy continued to gape up at him wordlessly, "And I thought it should be someone who definately wouldn't fall for your brother's tricks."

A frown tugged at Naruto's lips when he finally gathered his wits. Looking down, he grumbled out, "What makes you so sure you won't fall for Nii-san? He's beautiful, and smart, and he's nice...ish. And he can cook. And--"

"Naruto," Said boy looked up in suprise at the raven. The only time Sasuke used his first name was when he was being serious, or when Naruto had done something so bad that the youngest Uchiha used his full name. The last time he had done so was a year ago, and the blonde didn't want to relive the horrifying memories. _Never _again would he experiment with hair dye. Especially not on the Uchiha without his consent.

"I promise you I won't fall out your brother. We've been," The raven cuaght himself before he could say 'best', "Friends since we were twelve. I've been around your brother long enough to know what he's playing at. There's no way I'd fall for him." At the blonde's still uncertain face, he repeated, "I promise."

Azure bore into onyx, trying to servey if the stoic teen was right. He was an Uchiha, and Uchiha's were almost always right, but this way Nii-san they were talking about. He was the type of person that could get anyone he wanted.

_'Does that include Uchihas?'_

Pouting, Naruto childishly held out his pinky finger towards the raven, mumbling, "Promise, Teme?"

A small smile twitched Sasuke's lips upwards as he interwined his pinky his Naruto's, retorting lightly, "Yeah, Dobe. I promise."

After a moment, the two teens finally parted, one flushing as he thought back on the close proximity to his best friend only a few moments before, the other silently vowing to keep his promise.

Silently they turned onto Naruto's street, bidding a slightly awkward goodbye as the blonde trotted across the street and up the front steps of his decent sized home.

Naruto unlocked the front door, turning to wave farewell to his friend and recieving a two finger wave in return.

Smiling, the blonde slide the door closed silently and slipped off his shoes. Dropping his bag to the familiar spot beside the door, he called out loudly as he entered the kitchen, "I'm home."

Silence greated his words, and the smile slipped from the blonde's face when he was sure the silence wouldn't be broken. Sinking into a nearby chair, the blonde buried his head in his arms on the table, biting his lip to keep the sudden apprehension building in his stomach at bay.

"Sasuke," The blonde murmured wistfully into the silent house, pleading with all his heart for everything to turn out alright, "Please... please keep your promise."

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**1.** My bisexual male friend and I always comment on how nice an ass our friend's brother has whenever we see him. We whisper and giggle, trying not to let her hear us, but she can always tell by where we are looking. She reacts similiarly.

**Please review**.

It's past 6 am and I've yet to go to sleep. I think I just official became nocturnal.

I have no idea if this story is interesting or pathetic. I'm not sure how this is going to go, as with my other stories, I have only thought out the first chapter or so and have no idea what I'm doing.

Let me know if there are any other pairs you want, or if you have any suggests or remarks. (In short, **review.**)

_Next Chapter: Naruto's past! Why Kyuubi became the over protective Nii-san!_

'Til next time,

KyoKotou


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